Surrendering to the chaos: Eclipse season, May 26

We’ve officially hit eclipse season, in Gemini, while Mercury is getting ready to retrograde. Feeling tired? Confused? Spacey? A bit sick? Congratulations my little caterpillar friend! The Sagittarius eclipse offered you a one way ticket to transformation-town and you jumped straight on that bus without thinking twice (how very Gemini/Sagittarius of you!). I’m very proud of you. Like any good adventure story, we started off the eclipse season with a big old shake up. Every full moon is an invitation for release. Full moons send life on earth a little bit wilder. The tides are more intense, children don’t want to behave, we don’t sleep as soundly, have you ever heard of ‘lunatics’? Werewolves? Yeah, full moons bring emotions up and inhibitions down, it’s a thing. Add in that the moon was on its axis closer to the Earth than usual (making it a ‘Supermoon’), plus the eclipse? That’s some major releasing energy (Honestly, I think a more apt term for what we experienced on May 26 is a purge). The eclipse/supermoon/flowermoon/clusterfuck that we saw on the 26th of May took place in the sign of Sagittarius. Sagittarius is the archetype of the truth seeker, he’s optimistic and excited by higher education and travel as his journey is one to understand, and expand. He is symbolised through the arrow that shoots us into the future. The moon rules our emotional body, and our internal world, she’s how we find comfort and express our feelings. Eclipses unearth more than we usually experience, and this sweet Jupiter in Pisces square (see blog post for details on that guy: https://bit.ly/3vttOc3) is rocking our sense of reality and ideas for the future. So, essentially the eclipse on May 26th was all about unearthing hidden truths within our inner world. A torch was shining on where we have lied to ourselves, where there is a disconnect between our feelings and our beliefs. We were being invited to look at the stories we make up to validate our perceived reality, and burn away emotional beliefs that are blocking us from our next chapter.

Because my beautiful caterpillar friends, how are we ever meant to meet our full potential soaring through the sky as butterflies while we are so attached to all our legs. So, who tuned in? And what came up? I’ll go first. Let me first paint you a little picture of how I got to my realisation and release: I, like many of you reading I’m sure, have a tendency to people-please. I will invalidate and bypass my own needs and emotions until they bubble up to the surface and I explode in rage or sadness. Sending spiteful messages or sobbing for help on the bathroom floor (I have a flair for the dramatics… It’s my fifth house sun). Multiple psychics and astrologers (who don’t know each other) have told me that a key part of my purpose in this lifetime is to be seen. I’ve lived all my life with this inner tension of wanting to fly under the radar and not be noticed, while also desiring lots of attention and validation.

Here is an excerpt straight from my journal on the 27th May:

I was feeling really, really hurt and angry at someone. After ignoring my emotions, bypassing my feelings of 'be love’ for weeks I was all of a sudden fed up. The moon was shining a torch on the fact that I was lying to myself, because my true feelings of being hurt and let down were not in alignment with my belief that 'expectations are the thief of love'. I was ready to write the angry letter when I took a deep breath and asked myself ‘baby what are you wanting to achieve from this?’ and as clear as day I got the message ‘I need to feel seen.’ At that moment I had so much compassion for her, the little girl inside me who would always put herself at the end of the line, who would never ask for what she needed and who was so scared of being ‘too much’. I could respond to her statement with love, the way I do with my clients, the way I do for my friends, and just said:

“Baby, I know, you deserve to be seen and this person was never able to see or hold you in the way you needed. That’s not going to change from some message, you will just get more upset that they can’t give you what you need.” So you know what I did instead? Something very unspiritual, very human and very real: I vented about how this person had hurt me to a friend. I let myself cry, I let myself feel my feelings and I let myself release my anger and hurt. I expressed myself to someone who could hold the space for me, who could see me and validate my feelings. I felt so much better. It was the big release I needed. It made me realise that I was still blocking myself from expressing my truth from a place of fear. It made me realise that I was still holding onto the belief that who I am, my emotions and my expression is ‘too much’ . This was my baggage, this was the old emotional story the Sagittarius moon wanted me to burn. There is no room for any of that kind of baggage on the bus to transformation-town. Even if we could sneak it onboard, how the hell can we expect our new baby wings to learn how to fly while we are holding on to so much unnecessary heaviness.

So what came up for you this full moon? What stories do you need to let go of to shoot into your future? What emotions are you avoiding processing, thereby keeping them around unnecessarily?

The bus to transformation-town is in gear, powering through to get us to our next level version of ourselves. It’s going to be bumpy, we’re probably not getting the best sleep, it can be scary and draining, uncomfortable, chaotic and a bit painful.

We are being asked to trust the chaos, -as I’m sure going into the cocoon, having your legs melted off and growing wings is absolutely terrifying for a caterpillar- we too will come out the other side to a life we never could have imagined we could have access to.

Art: Nikaloaos Psaroudakis via pinterest.