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The Good, The Bad and The Ugly: A Boyfriend’s Guide to Mercury Retrograde.

So Mercury’s going into Retrograde on the 29th… cue a room full of eyerolls and sighs. As a wise man (my ex-boyfriend) once said: “I swear to God, Rercury is always is Metrograce.” -Truer words have never been spoken.


But before we all sigh, throw our laptops across the room and text all our old lovers, I invite you to get a beverage of your choice (Water, wine, tea, beer, coffee, beer -I’m not your mum, drink whatever you want (beer) and get comfy… (drum roll please)... for...:


The Good, The Bad and The Ugly: A Boyfriend’s Guide to Mercury Retrograde.

Step One of surviving the Retrograde: “Fear of the name increases fear of the thing itself.” -Albus Dumbledore I understand that the entire sentence of: “Mercury going into Retrograde” can look pretty confusing in itself (...well played retrograde... well played.) So let's break it down:


Mercury = Planet in the sky that, in astrology, is the planet in charge of our mental body. How we learn, our thought process, how we communicate and our relationship with technology are all ruled by Mercury. Retrograde = Directed, or moving, backwards. Put it all together, Mercury (the planet in the sky that rules how we think and communicate) is *moving backwards. (*Mercury Retrograde Fun Fact! Mercury Retrograde is a total hoax made up by the retrograde to get us all to go out and buy more retrograde!! Mercury is NOT ACTUALLY moving backwards. It is just moving around the sun slower than we are here on Earth, so from our Earthly perspective it LOOKS like it is moving backwards. The whole thing just reminds me of that prank we used to do where we would stand behind a little wall and pretend to ‘walk down the stairs’: https://bit.ly/3fN003p classic.)


So, Mercury (fakes) retrogrades around three times a year, usually for around six weeks at a time. This current Retrograde is a bit shorter than usual and taking place in Gemini until June 22nd. Are we all clear on the facts here? Planet Mercury (Thoughts, communication, technology) pretends to move backwards three times a year (There’s definitely a joke here about 'faking it three times a year'... but I’m above that… no I’m not. It sounds hilarious. Please let me know if you think of a good one).


On May 29-June 22 Mercury is pretending to move backwards in the sign of Gemini. Got it? Good. Now we can move onto: Surviving the Retrograde Step Two: The Retrograde and You. Now listen up boyfriends of the world: I’m going to let you in on a little secret and whisper 5 little words your girlfriends will never tell you: You were right all along.


Mercury retrograde really *isn’t* THAT much of a big deal. It gets a bit of a bad rap in pop culture for some reason (personally, I think the reason is because ‘Mercury Retrograde' is really fun to say). But compared to other aspects and transits Mercury retrograde is all in all a bit ‘meh’. The theme for Mercury Retrograde is: DOUBLE CHECK. (I know right... boring.) At its worst: The energy of a Mercurian Retrograde is just a little awkward. When the planet that rules our thought process and communication is moving backwards it can kind of feel like our judgement is a little cloudy. To me, it’s the bumpiness when you thought you pressed send on an email but you didn’t, the bumpiness where you try to type with a clear idea and then your thoughts get all muddled up and you write ‘beer’ three times in one sentence (A freudian slip... I think not). Mercury retrograde has got us revisiting habits to see if we’re done with them for real. -You know, like the old habit of drinking a little too much on a Saturday night… and then the old habit of drunk texting your boyfriend who’s not your boyfriend anymore on a Saturday night. We’re over that people!! And we don’t need Mercury pretending to move backwards to tell us that. Thank you very much! So, just make sure you’re double checking everything important. We don’t need to put our lives on hold for a month, but make sure you’re backing up any work and double check that your keys are in your bag before leaving the house.

Now, what’s rarely talked about: The best bits of a Mercurian Retrograde: While the retrograde is inviting us to double check that we haven’t parked in a no stopping zone, and if we’re really over our ex, we are also being invited to re-visit, reassess, re-value and release our inner world. This is a great time to pick up an old hobby you forgot about, go through your wardrobe and give away clothes you don’t love anymore. It’s a great time to do some inner work and challenge limiting beliefs and thought patterns (Read Blog Post 2: Jupiter in Pisces: Dreaming in Hopeful Expansion for tips: https://bit.ly/3ujvfbF) It’s a great time to revisit abandoned projects or old friends.


So in conclusion here it is: The do’s and don’ts of Mercury Retrograde:


Do: Revisit old projects, get that craftbook out, pick up that guitar, go back to the class and go kick the footy with your friends.


Don’t: Take stupid risks, look, I get it, sometimes you want to try your luck and park without a ticket in a timed parking zone. You’re gonna be 5 minutes tops and don’t want to fork out the $3.50. Now is not the time my friend. Just buy the ticket, I swear now more than ever it’s not worth the fine… (which reminds me… on a totally unrelated issue… Dad, if you’re reading this, can I borrow $110?)


Do: Re-value your thought patterns. If symptoms of the Mercury Retrograde are really triggering you (you or others running late, technological issues, communication mishaps) see it as an invitation to look at why these things are getting to you. There may be some beliefs in your head that aren’t serving you anymore.


Don’t: Skim the fine print, read things properly. Texts, emails, contracts, save yourself and others pain and confusion by looking properly.


Do: Be gentle with yourself and others: Know that everyone is a little bit spacy at the moment. Your friend probably doesn’t hate you, her words just got a bit muddled up and you interpreted it in ways she didn’t mean. Let’s try to not take things personally.


Don’t: Rush. Conversations, deadlines and everything in between take a little longer when Mercury’s in Retrograde, give yourself and others time to get their thoughts, feelings and ideas together.


And that’s it I think! Sorry the post isn’t that exciting but, well… Mercury Retrograde isn’t really that exciting. It’s a bit bumpy and wobbly but that’s just life hey?


So Goodnight and Good luck. I hope to see you all June 22nd with a re-found love of your old guitar… and not a re-found love of that toxic ex.


As always feel free to connect with me via email Cosmos.via.gabrielle@gmail.com or Instagram @cosmos.via.gabrielle (I want to hear those faking-it jokes).


Gabrielle ✨


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